i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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