I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
