dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
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Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
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Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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