didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
