Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
