i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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