I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
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She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
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I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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