Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Small penises have feelings too.
she smelled like a LAN party
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Randomize
