would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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