Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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