i just sent this text using only my big toe
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Randomize
