Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
