Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
this boner is exhausting
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
