obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
The ass gains better be worth it
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
