do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
