Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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