dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
My ATM looks so different sober.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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