he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
