I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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