It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize