so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
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