Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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