I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize
