dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
God, I missed his penis.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
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