yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Randomize
