you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
