Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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