I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
