Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
