Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
