I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
People in love make me want to vomit
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
