I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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