I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
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