Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
we're making bets on your personal life
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
