absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
