Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Dick very happy bro
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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