Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
