I wish I could still say I don't know that you taste like bad ice cream.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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