The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize
