if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
