Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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