did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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