Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
Don't EVER smell your tampon
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
