its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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