He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
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