Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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