I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
