I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
nutella sex= disaster
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
