If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
