Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
HE JUST ALLUDED TO FUCKING MY FRESH LOAF OF BREAD
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
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