a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize