accomplished twins. life is a go
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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