U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Two words: nipple clamps
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