A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
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Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
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