I'm going to jail i love you
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
